BEREAVEMENT COLUMN

When grief counselors grieve

By TRACY RENEE LEE

This past week has been a difficult one for me. I lost my sister-in-law and a dear friend to breast cancer.
Breast cancer is a horrid disease because it attacks the entire body. Both my sister-in-law and my dear friend saw cancer jump throughout the different areas of their bodies.
It may have started as breast cancer, but by the time all was said and done, they each had bone, liver, brain, and all other sorts of cancer within their bodies. Cancer attacked them from head to toe. It is an unfair disease because no matter what you do, it seems that it gets the better of you in the end, and your family is forced to say goodbye.
I have seen people recover from cancer, even breast cancer, but I have also noticed that cancer seems to return after some time. It is relentless, and I wonder why medical and research professionals aren’t able to eradicate it.
It seems as though cancer is the plague of modern-day living.
As a certified grief counselor, I find that personal losses can sometimes become overwhelming. Although I specialize in helping others through the worst experience of life, that of losing their most precious loved ones, losing my loved ones is not any less painful. I support and counsel others on recovery techniques, and suddenly, I am the one needing guidance.
Although I know what I should be doing to help myself, I, like many of my clients, must reach deep into my soul to motivate myself out of my pain and anguish. I am ashamed and question my capabilities when I wonder if I might need the counseling I render to others from a colleague.
Why would I not be able to apply my own medicine? After all, I know what needs to be done.
I understand that this is a ridiculous way to feel, but realistically, the confusion of grief causes many of us to question our capabilities and sanity. When one is a grief counselor, one is not immune to such thoughts and confusion.
Grief counselors are equally subject to the anguish suffered upon the loss of significant loved ones, as are their clients. The same insecurities of aloneness, loss of income, fear, and broken identity loom over our hearts, pressuring and pushing us toward prolonged and complicated scenarios. Our need for encouragement, guidance, and social support is just as necessary and effective as they are for our clients.
Grief counselors are often exposed to their client’s most complex and intense emotions. In listening, assisting, and guiding others through their difficulties, grief counselors may experience an emotional toll. It can become difficult to remain impartial and professional when witnessing such intense emotions. Even when they are not personally experiencing grief, grief counselors may experience a kind of “secondary grief,” whereby they absorb and feel the pain and sadness of their clients. Compounding this with personal grief and a grief counselor may find themselves in treacherous waters.
In some cases, grief counselors may also experience guilt or feel responsible when their clients are unable to find closure or recover from their grief. This can cause a sense of helplessness and powerlessness. These feelings can be challenging for a grief counselor to manage. It is vital for grief counselors to remember that they can only suggest and assist their clients in recovery techniques and that, ultimately, their clients are responsible for applying these techniques and genuinely seeking and nurturing their own recovery.
As it can be challenging for grief counselors to help others when they are in the midst of their own pain and sadness, it is crucial for them to set aside time to take care of themselves and process their grief. This can involve talking to a therapist or colleague, engaging in self-care activities such as journaling or meditation, or taking time to be alone.
For grief counselors, our work is rewarding and fulfilling; however, it can also be emotionally draining and heartbreaking. It is vital for us to recognize the signs of burnout and take proper steps to prevent it. This can include setting boundaries with clients, taking regular breaks, and seeking emotional and social support from friends and family.
Grief counselors are an important part of society. We provide essential support and guidance to those who are grieving. However, we must remember that we, too, can experience grief and sadness. It is imperative that we take steps to ensure that we are taking care of ourselves. Taking the time to process our grief, setting boundaries, and engaging in self-care activities can help us (grief counselors) stay healthy and motivated in our work.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, Podcaster, and founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, Podcasts, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award.

It is my life’s work to comfort the bereaved and help them live on.

For additional encouragement, please visit my podcast “Deadline” on Spotify and follow me on Instagram at “Deadline_TracyLee.”