One more scam call and I’m going to scream

By JAMES SNYDER

Upon retirement, my life changed in few ways. I’m still as busy as before; I just don’t get a paycheck for being busy. Nothing has changed that much.
The one thing that has changed is I schedule a nap every day. As most people know, a NAP is simply Navigating A Position. That position is level. At my age, I tell people that having these naps is essential; every day, I schedule a NAP at a particular time known only to myself.
It’s important for me to keep this a secret so nobody knows when I’m doing it. I try to keep it from The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage for obvious reasons. Usually, right after lunch, she goes to the store and picks up groceries. As soon as she closes the front door, I’m in my lazy chair, leaning back, ready to snooze away.
There is only one problem with this scenario. My phone is next to my lazy chair, in case anybody needs to reach me. The truth being said, since my retirement, nobody needs to get a hold of me. But you never know, and I can only hope. Habits are hard to break.
The other day I was in the middle of sawing some very important logs when a noise next to my chair frightened me. It was my phone. It took me a while to realize the phone was ringing, and I needed to answer. Who knows who’s calling me?
Setting up, I cleared my throat and answered the phone. Wouldn’t you know it was one of those phone scams? For some reason, the person on the other end knew my car warranty had just expired. For his information, that car warranty ran out 10 years ago, and it was a truck, not a car.
I wasn’t too happy with this phone call, and I must confess that I let the person on the other end of the phone know how unhappy I was. It’s good I don’t know French.
That took me a while to settle down after that kind of phone call, but I soon drifted off into La-la-land, my favorite place.
It wasn’t long before I heard the phone ring again, and without even thinking, I sat up and answered the phone.
After all, why would anybody call me the second time? Was it another scam?
This time it had something to do with my Medicare. According to the person on the other end of the phone, he had an amazing offer for me to enhance my Medicare coverage. Being drowsy from sleeping, I didn’t quite understand what he was talking about.
“According to our records,” the person said most enthusiastically, “you qualify for an upgrade in your Medicare coverage.”
I wasn’t a happy camper because my nap time is a fairly important part of my day, and how dare somebody interfere with that sacred time.
With a bit of anger, I asked, “Is there any extra coverage for mental insanity? I am about to go crazy.”
The next thing I heard was a click on the phone.
My phone buzzed all afternoon, and I was about to lose my mind.
The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage came home and noticed I was sitting up in my chair, fully awake. She just looked at me and then took her groceries into the kitchen.
Then, surprise, surprise, surprise, my phone rang again. I answered it, and a live person was on the other end of the phone. Just then, a thought came to me. I called my wife and said, “My dear, I think there’s a thrift store owner on the phone and would like to talk to you.”
She almost danced her way to me to pick up the phone. I must say I was dancing in my head when she came.
“Hello,” she said enthusiastically, “I’ve been expecting your call. Thanks for calling.”
Then there was a pause, and she said, “Who did you say you were?”
Another pause, and I heard her say, “You better never call me again.” And she hung up the phone.
Looking at me with one of “her looks,” I could see she wasn’t very happy about it. She stood before me, staring a little bit, and then said, “Don’t you ever do that again to me. Do you understand?”
What was I supposed to do? There was so much laughter within me that I didn’t know if I could keep it from exploding. When she went back into the kitchen, I softly chuckled to myself. Then I heard, “You’re not laughing, are you?”
“No, my dear,” I said, “I was just thinking about a joke. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9.”
“No, you weren’t,” she said sarcastically, “and that’s not even funny.”
That gave me pause to think. Does it matter who is lying? Is a scammer’s lie worse than my lie? I then thought about some verses of Scripture that address this.
Proverbs 12:22-23, “Lying lips are abomination to the Lord: but they that deal truly are his delight. A prudent man concealeth knowledge: but the heart of fools proclaimeth foolishness.”
It’s easy to think that my lying is not as bad as some scammer trying to hook me out of some money. Lying is lying, and I’m trying to process that. Lying is a serious business, no matter who does it.

Dr. James L. Snyder lives in Ocala, FL with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. Telephone 1-352-216-3025, e-mail jamessnyder51@gmail.com, website www.jamessnyderministries.com.