BEREAVEMENT COLUMN

A respite from grief

By TRACY RENEE LEE

Last week, my brother suffered a few days of intense grief. He recently lost his wife to cancer and the sadness seemed to be overtaking him.

SADNESS

Sadness is the most common feeling experienced during bereavement.
Persons who block sadness with excessive activity find that their sadness surfaces once they are exhausted.
Exhaustion renders one less able to overcome the intensity of sadness.

Since my sister-in-law’s death, my brother has immersed himself in work. He has embarked on a new business venture and is making and uploading easy guitar lessons on YouTube. His new channel is EZ3ChordCountry.
My brother has always been musically talented. Even as a child, he would tap everything in sight as though it were a set of drums. He plays guitar, banjo, mandolin, bagpipes, accordion, piano, etc. I don’t know if he plays wind instruments, but he plays percussion too. His talent stems from our Cajun heritage. Each of our grandfathers, uncles, and cousins in South Louisiana plays multiple instruments.

NATURAL PAIN

Grief is the natural pain associated with loss.
The adage, “No pain, no gain” applies well to grief.
The pain sustained upon the loss of a beloved person motivates us into action; action to overcome our fears, devastations, changes to our reality, sadness, loneliness, etc.
Even when grief becomes prolonged and intense, it remains a natural response to loss.
Although 10% to 15% of the world’s population suffer problematic loss adaptation and experience elusive recovery, research proves that treatment for mental health is far less effective for grief recovery than grief therapy.
It is wonderful when your hobbies or talents become your work. At that point where they cross over, one is free to invest their time and efforts into constructive healing.

HOBBIES

Hobbies occupy the mind and hands.
They engage our brains and keep them in good health.
Hobbies create a sense of accomplishment.
They propel us toward a healthier and happier grief recovery.
I guarantee you that my brother never thought that his talent and pleasure in music would be his go-to medicine for grief recovery. It is though, and for that I am grateful. Music takes my brother to another place where he can experience joy. It helps him restructure his life without the intense misery of searching for relief.
Of course, grief is still a painful experience for him, but his music gives him respite. On intense grief days, respite is a glorious gift.
His wife was also musical. Her degree was in Performing Arts with an emphasis on music; specifically piano. She was a great vocalist and pianist. There is music that my brother necessarily avoids because it was the music that his wife played.

I am grateful that my brother has such an immense talent that offers him respite from intense grief days, and that will also assist in his recovery. I hope that if you have recently lost a close loved one, you will be able to identify a hobby or interest that will help you lighten the burden of grief and facilitate your recovery as well. Such gifts of relief are a God send..

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, Podcaster, and founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, Podcasts, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award.

For additional encouragement, please visit my podcast “Deadline” on Spotify and follow me on Instagram at “Deadline_TracyLee.”