BEREAVEMENT COLUMN

In pursuit of excellence

By TRACY RENEE LEE

Last week, my brother My husband is out of town and when he is gone, I do not sleep. Not only do I not sleep, but my mind reminisces and memories are recalled that are dear to me. Last night as I sat on the couch, my friend Preston came to mind.
Preston passed away in 2012 from a brain tumor. It is interesting that his cause of death was a brain tumor because Preston had a most amazing brain. Preston was a newspaper editor. In fact, his line of work was how I first met him. He introduced himself to me because my husband was running for public office and he wondered if he might secure an interview through me.
I was immediately impressed with Preston’s politeness, his vast vocabulary, his impeccable grammar, and the degree of excellence in which he functioned. Preston could be at his desk talking to you, interviewing someone else over the phone, and accurately type both conversations simultaneously at 90+ words per minute. He never skipped a beat or had to ask you to repeat yourself. He was amazing.
Preston and I were friends before the internet became a vast collection of accessible knowledge. He was a walking dictionary, grammarian, spell checker, and encyclopedia available upon request. He was conversational, well-read, knowledgeable and curious about absolutely everything. There was no getting over on Preston because he could fact-check everything at lightning speed through his brain. He was amazingly intelligent, intuitive, gentle, kind, and fair. I miss him so much.
Currently, I am at the age where one must apply for Medicare. I have discovered that the golden years are very sorrowful. Everyone that I have known who is older, or within my same age group, is either battling disease, dying, or already deceased. I see my loved ones, and lifelong friends, suffering and dying at an alarming speed. It brings anxiety and heartache, and I wish it weren’t so.
In my practice as a certified Grief Counselor, I find that I must counsel others as I battle and struggle with stacking deaths within my immediate circle of family and friends. As a funeral director, I must console my clients as I silently suffer painful grief. It seems as though my life fills with anguish as loved ones and friends die. Maybe it is because I better understand the value and frailty of life now that I have experienced so much loss. Whatever the reason, I must remember the blessings of love rather than the burdens and struggles of loss.
I loathe the statement, “Grief is the price we pay for love,” because I believe love is an eternal blessing. If we focus on the love we shared with our decedents rather than the pain we suffer upon their loss, love will heal us. It is the gift that keeps on giving by overshadowing our pain and helping us remember and feel our loved one’s love even though they are gone. Love should be our focus.
Additionally, if we take our love and share it with others, we will see it increase. An increase in love fills the void that death imposes and pushes out the pain it inflicts. For example, if you have a bowl filled with water and you begin filling it with rocks, the rocks push the water over the brim. Soon there is very little room for any water. That is exactly what happens when we share our love. It pushes out everything that is not love. Sadness, anxiety, loneliness, hatred, etc. all are pushed out of our hearts and love fills and comforts us.
Preston had a heart brimming with love. I think that is why his brain was so advanced. Preston loved honor, loyalty, integrity, truth, knowledge, God, America, family, and friends. His brain was filled with so much good that bad had no place. He was a great man and a great friend. I miss him. I miss our chats. And, I miss his pursuit of excellence.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, Podcaster, and founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, Podcasts, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award.

For additional encouragement, please visit my podcast “Deadline” on Spotify and follow me on Instagram at “Deadline_TracyLee.”