BEREAVEMENT COLUMN

Quick fixes are no solutions

By TRACY RENEE LEE

During my life span, there have been many times that I have longed for a quick fix to my problems. As I have matured, I have come to realize that quick fixes do not exist. There are band-aids that I can apply to hold things together until I can correct my course, but ultimately, I need solutions, not fixes.
Upon losing significant loved ones, survivors often look for quick fixes. Sadly, as in other experiences in life, there remain no quick fixes.
My husband lost his brother last week. It was a rather sudden death, unexpected in every aspect of its cause. Fortunately, as soon as his brother entered the hospital, my husband jumped into his car and drove to the east coast to see him.
They had a wonderful visit for a few hours, and afterward, my husband felt the assessment was that his brother would be fine. My husband returned to his hotel, checked out, and began his journey home.
Before my husband crossed the Georgia/Alabama state line, his brother suffered a severe stroke. Fortunately, he had discussed his brother’s final wishes with him, so we knew what he wanted for his end-of-life services. Within two days, my husband’s brother passed away; peacefully in a hospice facility. His wishes were carried out as he had specified.
My husband is suffering immensely at his brother’s passing. He lost his only other brother just last year. My husband is the sole survivor of his original family unit. He is sad, not feeling well, and confused about what to expect for his future.
Life can be many things. We experience joy, happiness, disappointments, sadness, loneliness, loss, and many other emotions while living. Many of our emotions bring us comfort, but the loss does not usually carry a sense of joy or comfort. Most often, loss brings sadness and confusion.

QUICK FIXES

There are no quick fixes for grief.
Each individual grieves in their unique way with various intensities.
Surviving the loss of a loved one can be compared to surgery.
One can be assured that with proper care, healing will eventually occur; however, there will always be a scar, weakness, and tenderness in its stead.
Just as physical therapy serves to help regain a degree of physical comfort and functionality, so can grief therapy assist in regaining a degree of emotional comfort and functionality.
My husband’s blood pressure and blood sugar surged upon losing his brother last week. Our physician prescribed a few medications to help him regulate these issues. Unfortunately, the medications seem to have exacerbated the issues, so today, we are returning to our physician’s office for additional assistance. I hope a solution will be established.
Loss can be a tricky thing. It sometimes affects and interferes with our health, both mentally and physically. Without professional assistance, grief may even rob us of our lives. Please do not let grief steal you from those who love and depend upon you. If you are suffering ill effects from grief, please seek medical assistance immediately. It may save your life or bring respite and relief so that you can take the time to heal.

My name is Tracy Renee Lee. I am a Certified Grief Counselor (GC-C), Funeral Director (FDIC), published author, syndicated columnist, Podcaster, and founder of the “Mikey Joe Children’s Memorial” and Heaven Sent, Corp. I write books, weekly bereavement articles, Podcasts, and Grief BRIEFs related to understanding and coping with grief. I am the American Funeral Director of the Year Runner-Up and recipient of the BBB’s Integrity Award.

For additional encouragement, please visit my podcast “Deadline” on Spotify and follow me on Instagram at “Deadline_TracyLee.”