The fine art of compromise

After being married for more than 50 years, I have concluded the secret of a happy marriage is a happy wife. What it takes to make her happy is worth all the effort.
Today, most marriages don’t work. Divorce is on the rise in our country.
A great philosopher, Groucho Marx, once said, “Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.”
There are all kinds of ideas along this line, and many of them are fighting for the crazy award.
This year The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and her adoring husband will celebrate their 55th anniversary. After so many years of being married, I think I have come to some conclusions about how to have a happy marriage. After all, everybody wants to be happy.
I’ve looked into many aspects along these lines, but the one that really pays off is the idea of compromise. If you can’t compromise, you won’t get along. It’s just that simple.
Over the years, I have struggled with this idea of compromise, trying to figure out what it was and how two people can compromise. I’m not sure I have figured it all out; after all, I’m the husband.
But in a marriage, compromise is not how they compromise in politics. Have you ever watched politicians compromise on some subject? If that is a compromise, then I have to start all over again. Thankfully, marriage has nothing to do with political compromise.
The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and I have had our differences for years. After all, we are human and have our own ideas about certain things.
The biggest difference we’ve had throughout the years is the “Broccoli and Apple Fritter”. These two things never intermingle. Fortunately, we have compromised: She gets the broccoli, and I get the Apple Fritter. There is just no way to mix the two.
There are other areas of our lives where we’ve had to compromise. Over the years, I have learned how to use compromise effectively to get things accomplished.
If The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage believes she’s getting her way, then everybody’s happy. I need to set it up so she believes she won, and, when she wins, so do I.
It took me a while to realize that if I win, then nobody’s happy. What good is it to win and not really enjoy the winnings? But when she wins, she’s happy, and when she’s happy, so am I.
After understanding how this works, my life began to take on a great deal of sunshine and happiness. When I was younger, I was only happy when I got things my way. But as I got older, I realized that a level of compromise can help me get things my way.
For example, when we want to go out to a restaurant to enjoy a meal together, we have to decide which restaurant. For me, it doesn’t really matter which restaurant we go to as long as they have food and coffee. But for The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, there is a different restaurant for a different kind of celebration.
This is where I learned what compromise is all about and how to use it to my advantage.
I asked her, “My Dear, which restaurant do you think we ought to go to tonight for our celebration?”
Looking at me, she said, “I would like to go to the Southern Pig and Cattle restaurant.”
From my perspective, it didn’t matter. I’ve been there several times, and I know they have food and coffee. That’s all that really matters to me.
So now I need to work on my compromise scheme. “Well,” I said to her rather seriously, “I was thinking we ought to go to IHOP. I really love their food.”
That got her thinking a little bit, and she replied, “I’d like IHOP to, but for our dinner tonight, I would like to go to Southern Pig and Cattle restaurant.”
I tried to stretch it out as long as possible and replied, “Well, I’m not into that restaurant as much as you are. I really would like to go to IHOP tonight.” I paused a little bit and then said, “Well, if that is what you prefer tonight I’m willing to let you choose the restaurant.”
I never see her smile as much as she does when something like that happens. What she doesn’t know is that I won the compromise and not her. That gives me a little bit of leverage down the road when we are facing another compromise situation.
I always begin by saying, “Do you remember when you wanted to go to the Southern Pig and Cattle restaurant and I wanted to go to IHOP? And I finally gave into your request.”
She looked at me, and there was a great deal of reluctance in her voice, saying, “Yeah, I remember. So, I’ll let you have it this time.”
There is nothing quite like winning both times and not getting caught.
Thinking about this, one of my favorite Bible verses came to mind. “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?” (Amos 3:3).
I’m sure there are many applications to this Bible verse. It applies to all parts of our lives. Being “agreed” is one of the most important aspects of humanity. When applied to marriage, it is a wonderful expectation. Walking together is the blessing of our Christian experience.

Dr. James L. Snyder lives in Ocala, FL with the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. Telephone 1-352-216-3025, e-mail jamessnyder51@gmail.com, website www.jamessnyderministries.com.