By GREG GAST
Marriage today is based on the concept of viability. Viability depends on how viable the persons are and how constructive their efforts are.
There are six common phases a marriage and they don’t differ greatly from those of a previous generation. They are honeymoon, disillusionment, disappointment, decision, productive and later years.
- Honeymoon phase can last for one to two years. It is the most open and pleasurable phase. There is usually a good deal of playfulness, laughter, sexual enjoyment and mutual support during this phase. In good marriages this phase will persist when both partners create opportunities for this to occur.
- Phase of Disillusionment occurs when your fantasy expectations are dashed to the ground. Reality has a way of not coinciding with a fantasy and disenchantments are to follow. Reality points to the fact that no man or women are a husband or wife until they are actually involved as such. Preparations or living together may be helpful but it is not the same as marriage. Two people become marital partners as they experience marriage to each other.
- Phase of disappointment happens when expectations thought to be realistic are found to be ungrounded. You discover that your partner’s life views may differ markedly from your own basic attitudes and goals. Or maybe their personality features were overlooked or underestimated earlier and you now find them irritating later on. If they become chronic, hardening disappointment or hopelessness it can turn a marriage into a sour, bitter, and generally negative relationship.
- Phase of hard decisions is the most important turning point in most marriages. Asking the right questions like availability of common interests or using a constructive approach to build a growing relationship. Or how motivated are you in building a permanent, dependable, supporting, companionable, comfortable partnership, which may still not be the be-all or end-all of your existence?
- Productive Phase Is the phase of accomplishment, with career, family, social expansion, new skills, development of avocations, and continued personal growth. It is when chronic disappointments are left behind and the productive phase can be an exciting and rewarding time, associated with deepening feelings of love.
- The Phase of Aging Is an extraordinary one. It becomes one of mellowing, of greater wisdom, sometimes greater mutual dependency, support and affection. It is the time to investigate in-depth involvements. It can become an extended productive phase without the pressures or anxieties of a younger time.
Let me know what you think…
Greg Gast is Real Life Counseling, 3295 Crawfordville Hwy., suite #4, Crawfordville FL 32327.
